Graveyard Jokes

Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A. Because demons are a ghouls best friend!

Q. Who was the most famous French skeleton?
A. Napoleon bone-apart

Q. What do you give a skeleton for Valentine's day?
A. Bone-bones in a heart shaped box

Q. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
A. He had no body to dance with

Q: Why should a skeleton drink 10 glasses of milk a day?
A: It's good for the bones

Q. Why is the cemetary such a popular spot?
A. People are just dying to get in

Q: Why did't the skeleton cross the road?
A: He had no guts

Q. Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
A. No body

Q: What instrument do skelletons play?
A: Trom-BONE

Q. What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
A. Bone appetit!

Q. Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
A. Sherlock Bones


Personally I Have No Bone To Pick With Graveyards
I Take The Air There Willingly, Perhaps More Willingly Than Elsewhere
When Take The Air I Must

Samuel Beckett 1906-89
Irish Dramatist, Novelist
First Love 1970; tr. 1973

The Last Kiss

Late one night, a young man was driving home along a dark country road
It was a Saturday night and it was raining
He rounded a long curve
His headlights lit up a young woman standing at the side of the road
She was wearing a white dress and was all wet from the rain
He thought he knew what had happened
The girl had a quarrel with her date
She probably had chosen to walk home rather than stay with the guy
The young man skidded to a stop
The young woman hadn't even raised her hand to thumb a ride

He leaned over and opened the door for her to get in
She slid into the seat and shut the door
With a smile she said, "Would you take me home?
I just live a mile down the road"

That was when he noticed how pretty she was
He almost couldn't think of anything to say
She was so pretty
He said, "Sure"

He took off his letter jacket and offered it to her
She leaned forward and draped it around her shoulders
It was too crowded in the front seat for her to put her arms into the sleeves

The boy dropped the car into gear
He still hadn't thought of anything to say
They passed the church and the graveyard and came to a two story house
"This is my house," she said

They stopped, and he got out and walked her to the door
They stood looking at each other for a moment
Before he could think of a way to ask her for a kiss, she leaned over and kissed him
He was so surprised
She had opened the screen door
Opened the front door, and gone inside the house before he could speak

It was then that he realized that she was still wearing his letter jacket
For a moment he thought about knocking on the door
But the house was dark, her parents were probably asleep
She might get into trouble for getting in so late if he woke them
Besides, the jacket gave him the perfect excuse to come see her again

Sunday morning, before time for church came
He went back to the house and knocked on the door
A tired, sad-looking woman answered
He asked if he could talk to the ladies daughter

"My daughter is dead," said the woman
"She died one year ago last night in a car wreck
It happened one mile down the road or so, at the long curve"

"That's not possible!" said the man
"I gave her a ride home last night!"

"If you don't believe me," said the woman
"Go look for yourself.
She's buried in the graveyard there in the third row"

The young man walked into the cemetery
In the third row of headstones, he found what he was looking for

A Pink Marble Headstone Was Inscribed With The Name Laurie
Laying Over The Rounded Corners Of The Headstone Was His Letter Jacket

Author Unknown

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