Bobbie's Man Jokes

Some Men are Strong!

Some Men are Suspicious!

Some Men Keep on Running!

Welcome To the Man Roast!

This Page Is Dedicated To Rick
For His Wonderful Work On The Blondes
And Redhead Jokes Pages!



Confucius Say...

Man who run in front of car get tired
Man who run behind car get exhausted

Passionate kiss like spider's web-soon lead to undoing of fly

Virginity like bubble
One prick
All gone!

Foolish man give wife grand piano
Wise man give wife upright organ

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok

Man with one chopstick go hungry

Baseball wrong
Man with four balls cannot walk!

Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it

War not determine who right
War determine who left

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house
Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night

Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!

Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!

Man who sit on tack get point!

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!

Man who live in glass house should change in basement

He who fish in other manís well often catch crabs

Top 10 Things Men Think That They Know About Women

10. They Cry And Get Their Way

09. They have mood swings

08. They are prone to hysteria

07. They Cry And Get Their Way

06. They collect clothing

05. They collect shoes

04. They Cry And Get Their Way

03. They love knick knacks

02. They whine

And The Number One Thing That Men Think They Know About Women Is..

01. They Cry And Get Their Way

CopyRight © Bobbie "Irockslady" 6-24-00

Top 10 Things Men "DO" Know About Women

10. See Answer #01

09. See Answer #01

08. See Answer #01

07. See Answer #01

06. See Answer #01

05. See Answer #01

04. See Answer #01

03. See Answer #01

02. See Answer #01

01. They Have Breasts

CopyRight © Rick "Irockblue" 6-24-00
Just Kidding

One day three men were walking along and came upon a raging, violent river
They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do it

The first man prayed to God
"Please God

Give me the strength to cross this river"


God gave him big arms and strong legs
He was able to swim across the river in about two hours

Seeing this, the second man prayed to God

"Please God
Give me the strength and ability to cross this river"

Poof !

God gave him a rowboat
He was able to row across the river in about three hours

The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two
So he also prayed to God

"Please God
Give me the strength, ability, and intelligence to cross this river"

And Poof!

God Turned Him Into A Woman
She Looked At The Map
Then She Walked Across The Bridge

An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along
The doctor enters the examination room
He tells the old man
"I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample"

The old man was hard of hearing
He looks at his wife and yells


What did he say?

What's he want?"

His wife yells back

He needs your underwear"

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken
"You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded
"Or just a bed, I don't care where"
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy," admitted the manager
"He might be glad to split the cost
But to tell you the truth, he snores loudly
People in adjoining rooms have complained in the past
I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you"
"No problem," the tired Marine assured him
"I'll take it."

The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast
He was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed
"How'd you sleep?" Asked the manager
"Never better replied the Marine"

The manager was impressed
"No problem with the other guy snoring, then?
"Nope, I shut him up in no time." said the Marine
"How did you manage that?" asked the manager.
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came into the room"
"I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek
Then I said 'Goodnight, beautiful'
He sat up all night watching me"

Man Jokes!

Q. Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A. For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Q. Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
A. They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half of the time

Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. A dog is always happy to see you
A. A dog only takes a couple of months to train

Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them

Q. What do you call a man with half a brain?
A. Gifted

Q. What did God say after creating man?
A. I can do better

Q. What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A. Tourist

Q. Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
A. He had it bronzed

Q. What is gross stupidity?
A. 144 men in one room

Q. How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
A. Three
One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove

Q. How do men sort their laundry?
A. "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable"

Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it

Q. What is the thinnest book in the world?
A. "What men know about women"

Q. What is the thickest book in the world?
A. "What Men Think They Know About Women"

Q. When does a man take a bubble bath?
A. After he eats beans for dinner

Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A. Bonds mature

Q. How do you save a man from drowning?
A. Take your foot off his head

Q. How can you tell if a man is happy?
A. Who cares?

Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. Who knows? - Did it ever happen??

Q. How are men and parking spots alike?
A. The good ones are always taken
Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small

Q. What is a man's idea of doing housework?
A. Lifting his leg so you can vacuum

Q. What is the difference between a man and E.T.?
A. E.T. phoned home

Q. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes

Q. Why is it good that there are women astronauts?
A. So that when the crew gets lost in space
At least the women will ask for directions

Q. How do men exercise on the beach?
A. By sucking in their stomach everytime they see a bikini

Q. Why do men like blonde jokes so much?
A. Because they can understand them

Q. Why do bachelors like smart women?
A. Opposites Attract

Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

Q. Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
A. When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there

Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy

Q. Why are men like commercials?
A. You can't believe a word they say

Q. Why are men like blenders?
A. You need one, but you're not quite sure why

Q. What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?
A. When the power goes off

Q. How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts?
A. Guilt gifts are nicer

Q. What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
A. His wife is good at picking out clothes

Q. How is a man like the weather?
A. Nothing can be done to change either one of them

Q. What is the difference between a man and childbirth?
A. One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable
The other is just having a baby

Q. Women dream of world peace, a safe environment
And eliminating hunger

Q. What do men dream of?
A. Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins

Q. Why don't men often show their true feelings?
A. Because they don't have any

Q. Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
A. So they can find their way back to the house

Q. Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week?
A. Because the text on the nappies package said '18-40 lbs'

Q. What's the difference between a man and a messy room?
A. You can straighten up a messy room

Q. How many men would it take to mop a floor?
A. No one knows; they've never done it

Q. What's the difference between a man and Bigfoot?
A. One is covered with matted hair and smells awful
The other has big feet

Q .What's the difference between a man and a parrot?
A. You can teach a parrot to talk nicely

Q. How do men define insomnia?
A. Waking up every few days

Q.Why are marriend women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home
They see what's in the refrigerator and go to bed
Married women come home
They see what's in bed and go to the refrigerator

Q. Wife: Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
A. Husband
Not at all honey
I would love you no matter who left you the money

Q. Why don't men cook at home?
A. No one's invented a steak that will fit in the toaster

Behind every great woman is a man telling her she's ignoring him

Behind every great man is a puzzled woman

Q. What did God say after she made Eve?
A. "Practice makes perfect"

Q. What's the one thing that keeps most men out of college?
A. High School

Husband: "This coffee isn't fit for a pig!"
Wife: "No problem, I'll get you some that is"

We try to keep him out of the kitchen
Last time he cooked he burned the salad

Q. Why don't men eat between meals
A. There *IS* no "between" meals

Q. How do women define a 50/50 relationship?
A. We cook, they eat; We clean, they dirt; We iron, they wrinkle

Q. How are men like noodles?
A. They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough

Q. Why don't men do laundry?
A. Cause the washer and dryer don't run on remote control!

Q. How do most men define marriage?
A. A very expensive way to get your laundry done free

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow

Q. Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds?
A. Because most men are stupid, but few are blind

Q. Did you hear about the woman who finally figured men out?
A. He died laughing before she could tell anybody

Q. Why would women be better off if men treated them like cars?
A. At least then they would get a little attention every 3 months or 3,000 miles
Whichever came first

Q. Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
A. God says: "So you would love her"
Q. "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
A. God says: "So she would love you"

Q. Why are men like paper cups?
A. They're dispensable

Q. What piece of furniture was named after the typical man?
A. The La-Z-Boy recliner

Q. If one man can wash one stack of dishes in one hour
How manystacks of dishes can four men wash in four hours?
A. None
They'll all sit down together and watch football on television

Q. What's the greatest mystery about men?
A. How they can get older but still manage to remain immature

Q. What's the only way to have your husband remember your anniversary?
A. Get married on his birthday

Q. What do you get when four men go fishing and one comes back after having caught nothing?
A ."Three Men And A Baby"

Q. What is the average number of times in a bachelor's life that his bed is made?
A. Once, when it was still in the factory

Q. Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away?
A. Get away or I'll call the police!!!
A. I love you and want to marry you and have your children

Q. When do men insist that women are illogical?
A. When a woman doesn't agree with them

Q. What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
A. Any place without a drive-up window

Q. Why did God make men smell so bad?
A. So that blind women can hate them too

Q. Why won't real men admit to injury?
A. Because they're afraid of being returned as damaged goods

An english professor wrote up on the board
"A woman without her man is nothing"
He told his students to punctuate it

The males in the class wrote
"Woman, without her man, is nothing"

The Females wrote
"Woman! Without her, man is nothing"

Q. What is the one thing men never want to admit to women?
A. That they are always right!

Q. "Men at work"?
A. Women work all the time
Men have to put up signs to so we won't miss the rare occasion

Q. Why do men like to listen to dumb blonde jokes?
A. Because it is the only time when their stupidity isn't in the spotlight

Q. Why did God call woman a help mate?
A. Because he needed someone smarter than man

Q. What do you call a field full of men?
A. An empty lot

Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. They are practicing to be men

Q. Why do men prefer blondes?
A. Men always like intellectual company

Q. Why do men like love at first sight?
A. It saves them a lot of time

Q. What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it
A. Penicillin

Q. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts

Q. Why don't men have mid-life crises?
A. They stay stuck in adolescence

Q. How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
A. At the circus the clowns don't talk

Q. What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO?
A. I don't know, I've never seen either one

Q. Why did Moses wander the desert for fourty years?
A. He wouldn't ask for directions

All the women moaning about finding a husband have obviously never had one

Q. Why do most men prefer looks to brains?
A. Because most men see better than they think

Q. What do you call a man who lost 95% of his brainpower?
A. A widower

Q. When does a man open the door of the car for his wife?
A. When he has a new car
A. When he has a new wife

Q .Why are gingerbread men the best men of all?
A. They are cute
They are sweet and if they give you any lip, you can bite their heads off

Q. Why did the bachelor have trouble putting his shoes on?
A. His mother told him to put fresh socks on every day

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets
A man approached her
She extended her hand for his ticket
He opened his trench coat and flashed her

Without Missing A Beat She Said
"Sir, I Asked To See Your Ticket, Not Your Stub"

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