A 22 Caliber Pistol
October 12Th 1998

Tonight I lie here in my bed
With a 22 caliber pistol pointed at my head

If I pull the trigger
Will I be better off dead?
I am not happy with the life that I have lead

The Vietnamese people that I left dead
My finger won't pull the trigger
The hunger can't be fed

I want to cease to exist
It is in the stars and the words that you have just read
Belive me it is true
It is not lies
What I have just said

Birth and death
No in between
And yet in some ways they are wed
A 22 caliber pistol pointed at my head

I am lying down
I cannot stand
It is the easy way out
In your eyes I am less of a man

I am living a life
A lie that is so unhappy
And the circle is broken
It stops no where
An end to a dark band

I am not on my feet
If I fall
Where will I land?
In this world
I am only one out of millions of pieces of sand

A 22 caliber pistol scares the hell out of you
It is my salvation
It doesnt scare me
With it
I know what I must do

So much red
My heart is the only thing that is blue
I cannot be put back together without a clue
Inside all that mess
There was once a man
Somewhere among all that goo

Fifty years from now
No one will wonder who this man once was
No one will care
No one wonder why he sat with a 22 caliber wound through the head

I cannot be put back together
I can't be made new
I won't exist anymore
No one must know what I have felt or been through

A 22 caliber pistol will start and end a new day
I no longer love
I no longer talk
I have nothing to say

No goals
No dreams
Not one ounce of love inside me
I have lost my way
I have never loved or been loved
Everything around me has rotted and fell into decay

A 22 caliber pistol pointed at my head
No feelings
In my bed I lay
God will not have me
Straight to hell for my sin
I will pay

On the Pearly Gates will hang a sign
It says
Go To Hell

A 22 caliber pistol pointed at my head
I don't even wonder why
No tears in my eyes
No strength
I can't even try

I feel nothing for anyone anymore
I can't even try
I hurt inside
But I can't release even one sigh

Not far in the future
My time is drawing nigh
Straight to Hell is where my soul will fly

I won't even be given time to say a final goodbye
I will fly low not high

A 22 caliber pistol pointed at my head
If I ever find the courage
My 22 caliber pistol and I will die

CopyRight Rick "Irockblue" October 12Th 1998

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