Spiritual Humor

Unable To Attend The Funeral After His Father Died
A Son Who Lived Far Away Called His Brother
He Told Him
"Do Something Nice For Dad And Send Me The Bill"

He Got A Bill For $200.00, Which He Paid
The Next month, He Got Another Bill For $200.00 Which He Also Paid
He Figured It Was For Some Incidental Expense

Bills For $200.00 Kept Arriving Every Month
Finally The Man Called His Brother Again To Find Out What Was Going On

Said The Other Brother
"You Said To Do Something Nice For Dad"
"So I Rented Him A Tuxedo"

Author Unknown

Wall Of Clocks

A Man Died And Went To Heaven
As He Stood In Front Of Saint Peter At The Pearly Gates
He Saw A Huge Wall Of Clocks Behind Him

He Asked
"What Are All Those Clocks?"

Saint Peter Answered
"Those Are Lie-Clocks"
"Everyone On Earth Has A Lie-Clock"
"Every Time You Lie"
"The Hands On Your Clock Will Move"

"Oh" Said The Man
"Whose Clock Is That?"

"That's Mother Teresa's"
"The Hands Have Never Moved"
"Indicating That She Never Told A Lie"

"Incredible," Said The Man
"And Whose Clock Is That One?"

Saint Peter Responded
"That's Abraham Lincoln's Clock"
"The Hands Have Moved Twice"
"Telling Us That Abe Told Only Two Lies In His Entire Life"

"Where's Hillary Clinton's Clock?" Asked The Man
"Hillary's Clock Is In Jesus' Office"
"He's Using It As A Ceiling Fan"

Author Unknown

He Who Tells the Best Story

A Clergyman Was Walking Down The Street
When He Came Upon A Group Of About A Dozen Boys
All Of Them Between 10 And 12 Years Of Age

The Group Surrounded A Dog
Concerned Lest The Boys Were Hurting The Dog
He Went Over To Them And Asked
"What Are You Doing With That Dog?"

One Of The Boys Replied
"This Dog Is Just An Old Neighborhood Stray"
"We All Want Him But Only One Of Us Can Take Him Home"
"So We've Decided That Whichever One Of Us Can Tell The Biggest Lie"
"Will Get To Keep The Dog"

Of Course
The Reverend Was Taken Aback
"You Boys Shouldn't Be Having A Contest Telling Lies!" He Exclaimed

He Then Launched Into A Ten Minute Sermon Against Lying
Beginning With
"Don't You Boys Know It's A Sin To Lie"

And Ending With
"When I Was Your Age"
"I Never Told A Lie"

There Was Dead Silence For About A Minute
Just As The Reverend Was Beginning To Think He'd Gotten Through To Them
The Smallest Boy Gave A Deep Sigh And Said

"All Right"
"Give Him The Dog"

Author Unknown

One Day Jesus Was Out For A Walk
He Was Strolling Near The Walls Surrounding Heaven
Suddenly He Heard An Old Man's Voice Call From The Other Side

Hello? Hello?

Jesus Replied
Who Is It?

Just A Poor, Old Carpenter Searching For His Son
The Old Man Replied

Jesus' Heart Leapt With Joy And He Called Out

The Voice Answered Back

Author Unknown

A Man Caught In A Flood Prayed To God For Help
While He Was On His Knees Praying
A Police Officer Came To The Door And Offered To Evacuate Him
But He Said, No Thanks, Officer, I Will Stay Here
God Will Deliver Me And Resumed His Prayers

Then A Person In A Rowboat Came By As The Waters Were Rising
The Man Said, No Thanks, I Will Stay Here, God Will Deliver Me
And He Continued Praying To God For Help
The Waters Continued To Rise And The Man Had To Climb Onto His Roof

At Last A Helicopter Came With A Ladder And The Pilot Told Him To Climb Aboard
He Again Refused, All The While Sitting On The Roof And Praying To God
Finally The Waters Covered Him And He Drowned

After He Got To Heaven He Told God How Disappointed He Was That He Didn't Answer His Prayers

God Said
"What Do You Mean I Didn't Answer?"
"I Sent A Police Officer"
"A Rowboat And A Helicopter"
"What Else Did You Want?"

Author Unknown

The Two Thousand Member Baptist Church Was Filled To Overflowing Capacity One Sunday Morning
The Preacher Was Ready To Start The Sermon When Two Men, Dressed In Long Black Coats And Black Hats Entered Thru The Rear Of The Church

One Of The Two Men Walked To The Middle Of The Church While The Other Stayed At The Back Of The Church
They Both Then Reached Under Their Coats And Withdrew Automatic Weapons

The One In The Middle Announced
"Everyone Willing To Take A Bullet For Jesus Stay In Your Seats!"

Naturally, The Pews Emptied, Followed By The Choir
The Deacons Ran Out The Door, Followed By The Choir Director And The Assistant Pastor

After A Few Moments, There Were About Twenty People Left Sitting In The Church
The Preacher Was Holding Steady In The Pulpit

The Men Put Their Weapons Away And Said, Gently, To The Preacher
"All Right, Pastor"
"The Hypocrites Are Gone Now"
"You May Begin The Service"

Author Unknown

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